I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
