10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
be right there i have to get my cape
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
