Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
