So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
