i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
