If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
