god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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