Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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