im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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