dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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