I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
