he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
