im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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