you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
