Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
