I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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