I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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