yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
