Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
