even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
