even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
