the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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