I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
