Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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