brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
