like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
