were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
