..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
