Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
