Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
she peed on how many people?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
