Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Someone stole a lamp last night.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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