just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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