I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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