after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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