Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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