I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
