I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she peed on how many people?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
