im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
