No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
