I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
