I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just puked most of my soul out..
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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