So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
