every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
