I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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