Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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