we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
