I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
