Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
