I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
