So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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