u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just found a bag of teeth...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
