I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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