you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
