Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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