you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
